Or you can listen to me if you want to...

[Please see my original post here.]

It may look like I'm having second thoughts about this law school thing. I actually wonder why I'm NOT having second thoughts. But I'm not.

I am crossing the median several times a day.

I've been complaining about waking up at 2 am to study, but I get out of bed at 2 am to read my casebooks because I love this stuff. I'm stressed and overwhelmed but I also consider my choice to start law school to be the best decision I've made in my adult life. I love it; I hate it; I'm exhausted; I'm thrilled. Law school sucks and it rocks. It's scary and I'm tired and I'm unsure but I'm also loving the crap out of it. Not every minute of this is great, but every single day is pretty cool.

Law school FTW.

What do I wear to Law School? Law School Answers

PLEASE SEE MY ORIGINAL POST HERE!

At my law school the answer to "what do I wear to class?" is "whatever you want."

Most of my classmates wear comfortable, casual clothes. As in: jeans and t-shirts or shorts and flip-flops. A handful of us come to class in business attire or business casual attire.

I have reasons for dressing nicely for class:

• All of my professors attend classes wearing business attire. They're showing respect for the profession of law and scholarship and for their students. I recognize that deference and return it.


• I'm preparing myself to enter a profession that maintains certain standards. One of these--like it or not--is a requirement for professional attire when conducting business. In the business of law school I dress as I would for a casual day at the office. I don't wear business suits but I rarely wear jeans.


• I'm altering my perception of myself. I don't think of myself as a professional, but I'm pushing myself to reconsider. Don't clothes make the man?


• I take myself seriously when I'm dressed nicely. I'm attacking law school with all that I have and the clothes I wear remind me of that. Being a lawyer is serious business that has serious consequences. I joke about law school and poke fun at myself and my classes. But when it comes down to it I know that I'm here to learn how to advocate for those who can't advocate for themselves. That's a big deal and I don't wear jeans and sneakers to a big deal.

The short answer, though, is "whatever you want." The three years of law school may be your last opportunity to make that choice.

How does it feel? (like a rolling stone)

[Please see my original post here.]

My subjective sense of what law school feels like, on the morning of the fourth day:

I'm being shoved from the rear and I can't pause for the stampede behind me. All that's left for me to do is raise my elbows and muscle my way to the edge of the crowd. The work--reading, case briefing, studying, thinking, preparing for cold-calls in class--is pressuring me from the back and if I stop for even a moment it threatens to overtake and pass me. In law school, I know, one cannot afford to fall behind.


So: my schedule from Wednesday, the third day of class, is below. Know that my contracts prof. is my scariest professor and the one for whom I most want to be prepared.

• 3:18 am: Wide awake and nearly panicking about all the work I have to do before class



• 3:20-6 am: Contracts prep



• Shower



• 6:20-8:20: Contracts prep



• 8:21: sew hem in pants



• 8:30: print contracts brief



• 8:35: leave for school



• 9:15: review Crim. Law readings and brief



• 10:00-10:50: Criminal Law



• 10:50-11:00 Go over Criminal Law notes and create a sweat sheet*



• 12:00-12:50: Contracts



• 12:51-1:00: Begin Contracts sweat sheet



• 1:-1:50: Torts



• 1:50-2:20: finish Contracts sweat sheet



• 2:20-3:45: Crim. Law reading and case brief



• 3:45-5:20: Property reading and 3 case briefs



• 5:20: print out case briefs



• 5:40: head for home



• 5:40-6:20: (on train) read ch. 30, Civil Procedure



• 6:20-6:45: eat dinner while continuing to read Civ. Pro. assignment



• 6:45-7:20: continue with Civ. Pro. reading



• 7:20-9:45: Contracts case brief



• 9:45-10:15: go over Contracts sweat sheet and define any terms that are confusing (Black's Legal Dictionary)



• 10:15-10:40: read ch. 5 for Legal Practice Skills



• 10:40 fall asleep with lights on and book open to chapter 5, page 3.

That's right; I worked straight through from 3:20 am to 10:40 pm and I still didn't get enough done. Also I don't feel prepared for Contracts and plan to do more prep work before class on Friday. I'm beginning to thrash and lose my bearings. Please remember that I'm writing this on the morning of my fourth day of school.

I prefer not to be trampled.



*sweat sheet: I take notes in class on the front side of the paper. After class the back side of each page is empty. This is where I create my sweat sheet. I go over the notes from class and pull out the salient points along with any terms I need to look up later. From the book "1000 Days to the Bar--But the Practice of Law Begins Now," by Dennis J. Tonsing: "These are the pages over which students toil and sweat. accordingly, the learning experts at Landmark College (Putney, Vermont) have aptly nicknamed these 'sweat pages.'"

Orientation, day 3. Or: Welcome to law school!

[Please see my original post here.]

The final day of orientation was...

Oh my god; I'm a 1L!

...the most interesting of all three days. The first panel included the dean of students, Laura Ferrari; Art Klossner, director of health services; and Wilma J. Busse, psychologist from the school's counseling center. From the presentation I learned that 40% of lawyers have some form of OCD. I learned that substance abuse is rampant among lawyers and law students. And Dean Ferrari assured us that our professional life starts NOW. Message: don't embarrass yourself. Don't alienate faculty or other students. Be aware that lawyers and judges walk through the law building all the time and understand that your networking opportunities began on Tuesday.

Holy cow...I'm supposed to be a lawyer...

Then some upperclassmen gave us a building tour and we broke off into small groups to talk about what law school's really like with a 2L. The meat and bones session included mostly information I'd read in law school prep books. BUT my group went through a round of introductions and it became clear that in law school I am nearly completely surrounded by history and political science majors. Did I mention that I studied art as an undergraduate? I haven't even read the U.S. Constitution.

Holy crap. I'm not ready for this.

Anyway, my professors have posted assignments for the first classes and I have lots of reading and briefing to do. The reading, the briefing, the class prep; those parts are all very exciting. I'm officially a 1L. I've entered a brave new world, and, for now, I think I like it.

(How long do you think it'll be before I want to eat those words?)

Holy CRAP! Those law books are EXPENSIVE!

These are the required law books for my first semester. They cost me $875. The books stacked on top are my personal books about preparing for law school. All told, the grouping of books cost me around $1000.

I'm not complaining; I knew this would be an expensive venture. Ok, I am complaining, but only squeakily. I DID know this would be an expensive pursuit. I just didn't know how quickly the costs would add up.

I had to buy reams of new clothes. Blouses, skirts, slacks, and even--gulp--a business suit now hang in my closet. I also bought a half-dozen shoes, including a pair of black loafers.

I bought a brand new backpack, which is en route as I write. All the law school forums included multiple endorsements for Tom Bihn's Brain Bag. It seems to be the Snoopy's doghouse of backpacks. $200 later my olive green bag is on its way.

In addition I have all the extra costs of school to tack on. A combination lock for my locker; and ethernet cable; a laptop cable; highlighters and pens and paper and binders and folders and god knows what else are requiring me to open my wallet. My bank account is dwindling but the folks at Discover and Visa headquarters are thrilled that I've returned to school.

And all this so I can graduate and work 70-hour weeks, wearing business attire, carrying a briefcase, in a job market that's dwindling, hard-hit by the recession.

I wonder every day whether this was the right move. Only time will tell.

Please see my original post here: http://lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com/2009/08/13/holy-crap-those-law-books-are-expensive/

just one kind of folks. Folks.

Transcript from Access Group's (finished) scholarship video competition advertisement:

AT SOME POINT IN YOUR LIFE YOU DECIDED TO BECOME A LAWYER.

Something happened in one YEAR/DAY/SPLIT SECOND

That inspired you

To make

a CASE

Partner

A living

Your parents proud

A difference

You remember that time when you weren’t worried about

Getting a good internship

Having time to brush your teeth

Passing the bar

Finding a student loan

When hearing Atticus Finch in the courtroom gave you goose bumps

And so did IMAGINING YOURSELF IN HIS PLACE.

When you saw an oil-covered bird on the 11:00 news and it made you go %$#^&*

Or maybe it was in Mrs. Dombrowski’s 4^th grade class

When you were wrongly accused of kidnapping the class

Ferret.

Every Law Student has an inspiration.

I've finished working for the summer and am only waiting for 1L to begin. One piece of my life (employment) has ended and the next (law school) has yet to begin, so I'm paused in a limbo between the thing that was keeping me safe (employment) and the unknowns of law school and legal practice. So this silly ad for a scholarship competition--a competition that I missed--filled up my throat and had me nearly in tears. YES! Those oil-covered birds? They made me go %$#^&*. And Atticus Finch still gives me goosebumps, though I NEVER would imagine myself in his place. And, yes, I am one of those who wants to make 'a difference.'

Many friends and coworkers have suggested that I am, upon earning my J.D., to become a crook; that I will 'sell out'; that I'll give up on public interest work in order to MAKE SOME $$ (doing work we agree I would hate); that I'll be a shark and an ambulance chaser and a snake in the grass.

I don't blame my peers for suggesting these scenarios. The popular image of lawyers has shifted from Atticus Finch to Denny Crane and even the courtroom demeanor of Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men."



I may be naive. I'm like a child idolizing a profession I know little about. But I imagine myself more as the Tom Cruise type (minus his church of scientology obsessions) than Robert Duvall, even if I don't picture myself as a trial lawyer (more on that in a later post). Every lawyer finds her own niche, and mine's out there somewhere. My public-interest, non-profit job will be there in three years, no matter how much student debt I have. I'm here to make a difference, and maybe to grow up a little in the process.

So it took an eight-year-old child to bring 'em to their senses.... That proves something - that a gang of wild animals can be stopped, simply because they're still human. Hmp, maybe we need a police force of children. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 16, spoken by the character Atticus

Please see my original post here: http://lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com/2009/08/12/just-one-kind-of-folks-folks/

Don't forget to update your bookmarks. My blog is moving! lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com

States and states

No one's more surprised than I am. I survived the weekend.

My twin sister left Boston last week. The grief I felt seemed unbearable; I didn't believe I could survive the sadness. My twin sister was gone and that loss felt permanent. I was suddenly alone.

Then my aunt called to make sure I was ok and my mom sent flowers. Jenna sent periodic text messages. I have a small family, but the small size just increases the percentage of people in it who care. [x=100/(5-ish/3)]. (Or, more probably, somewhere around 100%.)

But next the fear set in. This family is now focused in the midwest, and I'm living all the way in the fingers of the country. Massachusetts is far away from everything I know--very far from southern Michigan. It's...backward. Jenna is the brave one and I should have been the twin to stay home. My older sister is having her first baby and I wanted to be there for that. My birthday's not far away and then comes Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I should be living in that soft, bright mitten. Instead I'm hanging from my ankles (Harry Potter spoiler alert) in a room by myself. LIBERACORPUS.

However.

Today is Monday and I'm calm. The people who know me know this isn't my normal state. Panic: probably; tears: of course; anxiety: most definitely. But not calm. (Though stress is making my hair fall out at an alarming rate. More on that in a later post.)

Law school starts in two weeks and I have plenty to do before August 18. There are backpacks to try on and loads of textbooks to buy. And even in Beantown there are flowers to remind me that I'm not alone.

I hate today

I don't even know how to approach this, so I'll just launch into it.

My sister's leaving today. She's moving from Boston to Bloomington, Indiana, where she will begin a doctoral program at IU. I'll be staying in Beantown to begin my law studies at Suffolk University Law School.

We spent six of our adult years living together; eighteen of our childhood years. We lived in Michigan first, then Colorado, where we could see the Rocky Mountain foothills from our house. Four years ago we walked the Freedom Trail and found an apartment in Massachusetts. We packed a Uhaul and drove halfway across the country with all of our stuff in the back and a car dragging behind. This year we rented separate moving vans, both small and neither towing a car.

Jenna's my go-to person. When I'm hurting or sad or lonely or happy; when I have good news or bad or anything in between my first thought is: I have to talk to Jenna. We're twins. I wouldn't know if our relationship is stronger than others'. I'd [unavoidable cliche] run into a burning building for her. Now that she's leaving I feel like I'm standing in a burning building alone. First thought: I need to tell Jenna that I'm standing in a burning building alone.

UN Security General Decries Sexual Violence in Armed Conflicts

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has called for states, particularly in Asia, Europe, and Africa, to strengthen prevention and protection measures against sexual violence in armed conflicts.

In his report to the Security Council, Mr. Ban wrote:

Sexual violence is deeply dehumanizing, inflicts intense mental and physical trauma, and is often accompanied by fear, shame and stigma. It is a well-established method of torture.

Mr. Ban later refers to International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda (ICTR), which, for the first time, in 1994, qualified the crime of rape as a form of genocide.

In so doing, ICTR recognized that sexual violence was a step in the process of group destruction — the “destruction of the spirit, of the will to live, and of life itself”.

I bow my head to Mr. Ban and recognize his heroic efforts to work for peace.

Can you IMAGINE?

Really? Law?
I, too, can hardly believe it.

If you had asked me four years ago, or even two years ago, I never would've answered "law school." No, up until a year and a half ago I was planning to study painting in graduate school. Useless degrees be damned!

Then I started to look at my past, which led me to thinking about my future. My list of jobs since graduating college with a BFA in painting and drawing include:

• office temp
• college bookstore temp (Colorado State University)
  
• Home Depot customer service associate
• art and frame store cashier and custom framing designer
• college bookstore temp (Northeastern University)
• college bookstore temp/cashier (MIT Coop)
• support staff at the MIT Libraries

In six years I've worked at over half a dozen jobs and none of them paid me enough to maintain a decent savings account. Only the library job was at times intellectually challenging. At only one of them did I spend more than a year (my library job--three and a half years and counting).

So then I started to think about my future and deducted that with an M.F.A. in painting I would be setting myself up for more of the same. I started thinking about preparing for a career, which, I suppose, was a big step toward growing up.

I studied for the LSAT (do it; buy a book and spend at least a couple of months preparing for the test. You DO NOT want to have to take it again). I took the LSAT; I passed the LSAT; I applied to some schools; I was accepted; I won two full-tuition scholarships; I paid my deposit to Suffolk University; I registered for classes.

Now here I am, preparing to buy my books and pose for my ID photo. I have a class schedule and student health insurance (oh, beautiful liberal Massachusetts, your health insurance reform makes my heart go all pitter-pattery).

I'm excited and scared and thrilled and petrified. I have a sense that law school is going to be harder than I can even imagine (see my previous post) but I'm looking forward to the adventure. I just wish some compassionate law student out there would tell me what it's really going to be like.
Anyone?

Tack on another APR

I just read Jeremy Schachter's fabulous post about why law school is so awesome. I myself am understanding his finer points even though I haven't yet attended first year orientation. Schachter writes:

Comedy was cool, but I wasn't exactly rich, I was borderline poor. Not poor enough though. I wanted to know what it would be like to be poor and be millions in debt and it's awesome. Every bottle of Head & Shoulders and every falafel sandwich from Pita Joe is at 7.9 percent. Do you know how liberating that is!?

I, too, am suddenly drastically poor. This isn't the kind of poor in which I have to choose between buying milk and buying bread. This is the kind of poor in which I have to choose between Visa and Discover to buy aspirin. This is middle-class poor and it's added a new dimension to my world.

The key, though, is to spin it. When I signed the promissory note I didn't become poor; I became a super-environmentalist.
First: all that cash moving around this country is REALLY bad for the trees. Save the paper; use plastic! And speaking of plastic, here's a dirty secret: I REUSE sandwich bags. I'm an environmentalist from way back, so reusing baggies is good for my soul. My personal best is six; SIX days of using the same peanut-butter-smeared baggie! Dirtier secret: I've occasionally resorted to washing baggies and drying them on a dish drainer. I'm telling you, it's good for the environment and Tupperware containers don't easily fit in my backpack. I believe I can take this one box of baggies and spread it out over an entire year. I'm saving at LEAST $1.50 here.

I've started adding up how much I spend on food each day. By my calculations I can have two cups of coffee and a bagel in the morning, a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, a bowl of rice for dinner, and four rolls of Smarties for dessert, and still be under my $4/day limit for food. If you're wondering: yes, I do eat Smarties. The sugary, children's-tylenol kind, not the chocolate ones. For dessert. Often. What? It's cheaper than cake. The Smarties are naughty plastic-wrapped things but what's more earth-friendly than an entirely plant-based diet? Never mind that the only plant included here is rice. And the coffee is not fair trade, but it would be if I could afford fair-trade coffee.

And:
I was garage-sale-chic before garage sale chic was cool. And even before it was, ahem, chic. But how much does it rock that I bought an ENTIRE LAW SCHOOL WARDROBE from Goodwill? Look at me! I can be environmentally conscious AND fashionable all at...the...same...there's a stain on this blouse.

This law school thing is pretty awesome. Being poor, wearing yellowed rags, resisting hunger, headaches, and other temptations; it's all preparing me to be one ROCKING attorney. Or it would be, if I could afford to buy my books.

Woot Woot

Today I got my class assignment for Fall '09. Woo HOO! I'm exceedingly excited. My schedule? M, W, TR 10am-3:50pm. T, F 11am-3:50 pm. Law school ROCKS.

Suffolk University's first year law curriculum is nearly identical to that of nearly every American law school.
1L:

• Civil Procedure
• Constitutional Law
  
• Contracts
• Criminal Law
• Legal Practice Skills
• Property
• Torts
  

Note: admins arrange schedules to accommodate lots of out-of-class work time.

Review: 1L of a Ride

I just finished reading Andrew J. McClurg's book, 1L of a Ride. McClurg writes from this premise: You think you know how hard law school will be. You're wrong. And now you think you know. You're still wrong.

Then the book goes on to explain how to thrive in (or at least survive) the environment of law school. (Don't drink too much. Get enough rest. Brief your cases. Sit in the front row; use 3" binders for each class; buy a sturdy 3-hole-punch and use it religiously; use a medium-point pen if you write essays longhand.) Clearly the tips range from the general to specific.

The book finishes with actual comments from actual law students just finished with their first year of school but written before the final exams. One piece of student advice: "Don't work ALL of the time, only most of it." Another: Don't let yourself fall behind. "There is never enough time to get things done in law school, so what you think is free time, really isn't or shouldn't be." A third commentor felt full of "EXHAUSTION. I have reached a new level of mental exhaustion I did not know existed." Another commented that "I know I am exhausted, but can't feel it because I am under so much pressure and stress while preparing for exams."

The theme here? You think you know how hard law school will be. You're wrong. And now you think you know. You're still wrong.

Oddly,though, the book is reassuring. I'm now pretty sure that if I can just keep myself consistently, rigorously, efficiently, and diligently organized I will glide through my first year. Professor McClurg's credo is, in fact, CREDO. His characteristics of successful law students are these: Consistency; Rigor; Efficiency; Diligence; Organization. I am most of those things, so this might just work out for me.

And yet: You think you know how hard law school will be. You're wrong. And now you think you know. You're still wrong.

Ok, so 1l of a Ride doesn't offer to make the first year easy. It simply suggests ways to make it a tiny bit less difficult. And by describing various aspects of law school's first year, McClurg dissolves a bit of its mystique.

Also, it includes this great piece of student advice: "Drop the Ho-Ho's and back away from them. True, they whisper nice, sweet things in your ear, and call out to you in the middle of the night, but when you have to get all gussied up for your oral argument, you're going to look like a fat man in a little suit."

Good to know.

New law school dream--not flying

Last night I dreamed about a law school classroom that was creepily similar to my middle school social studies room. But in this dream I was decidedly behind my classmates. I walked in late and was, in fact, only making it to class a few weeks into the semester. Also I sat in the back.

Still, this was an honors class and I was honored to be there.

Then I realized I had neither bought the book nor done the assignment. It was lucky that this didn't matter because the prof.--a gigantic version of John Houseman--was kind enough to ignore me.

The classroom debate was vigorous and I was stunned by the intelligent points other students raised. In my dream, then, suddenly, all noise stopped and I only watched the soundless class continue. That was when I noticed the books resting on the desks of the students in the rows before me. (It's common knowledge that while LSAT scores aren't reliable indicators of law school performance, high class grades are directly tied to a student's proximity to the front of the classroom. I was in a 'D' seat.) The assigned book, called The White Paper, was over three feet thick. Students used wheeled suitcases to carry them to class. I hadn't even remembered to bring my backpack.



When I was a kid the dreams where I was flying were my best. The nightmares were soundless giants.

Away we go.

1L of a Ride

I'm reading Prof. Andrew J. McClurg's book, 1L of a Ride. The first year of law school seems incredibly intense and formidable but also quite exciting. I've been working a low-stress job for the last three years and I'm ready for some stress and intellectual rigor. Law school will certainly provide that. Law school will also turn my life into a ball of business, much crunch, and lots of urgency.

I think I'm looking forward to it. I think. Ask me again in three months.

Breaking Down

I may be breaking down.

I already live in the Boston area--on the south shore--but will be moving closer into the city this summer. My twin sister, with whom I've lived for six years, will be moving to Indiana in August. I'll be living alone in a studio apartment that costs $1050 a month to rent. I'll be keeping my car, which means I'll likely be regularly searching for parking on a car-filled street, and I'm not very skilled at parallel parking. I need to open an account at a new bank and arrange for Internet service. My cellphone contract is ending and I'll have to arrange for a new one. I don't own a television and while I'd love to go without one I still sometimes like to relax in front of a television show now and then. My new apartment is tiny and so I'm currently purging my life of stuff I've collected in the last few decades.

Oh; and I'm beginning law school in August.

All of this is pushing me past the brink of panic. I have some normal doubts about my ability to succeed in law school along with apprehension and uncertainty about my decision to move into the city. I'm also mourning the loss of my things, even though it's clear to me now that I've collected way too much stuff. I'm heartsick that my sister is leaving and I'm unsure about whether I'll be able to pay all my bills next year.

I'm trying to take things day by day but anxiety attacks are coming regularly now. Compared to this, the LSAT was a piece of cake.

Note: This blog was changed to include the correction "I'm heartsick." The original text included the phrase, "I'm very sad that my sister is leaving," which was corrected.

Is this normal?

I'm dreaming about law school.

I'm not just dreaming about it; I'm having nightmares. Many of them. Every night. Some are typical: last night I dreamt I couldn't find my section of the first law class of the day. See, I'd forgotten to attend orientation and never even SAW my class schedule.

OK; typical.

But I also had a dream about moving to my new apartment. I had so many boxes of stuff that the tiny studio had no room for a desk. Clearly, then, I wouldn't be able to complete my schoolwork.

Somewhat typical. I guess.

Then I had a dream that I ate so much pizza the night before school (those damn nerves) that the clothes I'd laid out for the first day of class didn't fit the next morning. I pulled out my loosest clothes but then the boxes that were crowding me out in the second dream reappeared and I couldn't find a mirror. I think you can see where this is going.

Anyone else have that dream? Anyone? Anyone?