States and states

No one's more surprised than I am. I survived the weekend.

My twin sister left Boston last week. The grief I felt seemed unbearable; I didn't believe I could survive the sadness. My twin sister was gone and that loss felt permanent. I was suddenly alone.

Then my aunt called to make sure I was ok and my mom sent flowers. Jenna sent periodic text messages. I have a small family, but the small size just increases the percentage of people in it who care. [x=100/(5-ish/3)]. (Or, more probably, somewhere around 100%.)

But next the fear set in. This family is now focused in the midwest, and I'm living all the way in the fingers of the country. Massachusetts is far away from everything I know--very far from southern Michigan. It's...backward. Jenna is the brave one and I should have been the twin to stay home. My older sister is having her first baby and I wanted to be there for that. My birthday's not far away and then comes Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I should be living in that soft, bright mitten. Instead I'm hanging from my ankles (Harry Potter spoiler alert) in a room by myself. LIBERACORPUS.

However.

Today is Monday and I'm calm. The people who know me know this isn't my normal state. Panic: probably; tears: of course; anxiety: most definitely. But not calm. (Though stress is making my hair fall out at an alarming rate. More on that in a later post.)

Law school starts in two weeks and I have plenty to do before August 18. There are backpacks to try on and loads of textbooks to buy. And even in Beantown there are flowers to remind me that I'm not alone.