Gimme some sugar

I'm pretty stressed.

Some signs are typical: my hair is falling out; I'm having nightmares and difficulty sleeping; I end most days with painful tension headaches.

The other sign seems to be particular to me. When I'm anxious I crave sugar.

I'm not talking about rich cakes and cookies here, though those would probably do. When I'm stressed I want pure sweetness. I've been gorging on Smarties, Gobstoppers, Nerds, and hard peppermint candies. For variety I snack on graham crackers, apple juice, apples, and animal crackers, but I quickly return to my sugar stash for dessert.

None of this is helping my anxiety. The sugar makes me jumpy and bloated. When I'm jumpy I feel more nervous; when I'm bloated my law school clothes don't fit right. When I'm jumpy and bloated and anxious I'm close to miserable.

I don't know why I rely on sugar when stress is knocking me down. If anyone has thoughts I'd love to hear them. Meanwhile I'm headed to CVS. I hear the Halloween candy is finally on the shelves and I need a few bags.

Please see my original post here: http://lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com/2009/08/06/gimme-some-sugar/
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1L of a Ride

I'm reading Prof. Andrew J. McClurg's book, 1L of a Ride. The first year of law school seems incredibly intense and formidable but also quite exciting. I've been working a low-stress job for the last three years and I'm ready for some stress and intellectual rigor. Law school will certainly provide that. Law school will also turn my life into a ball of business, much crunch, and lots of urgency.

I think I'm looking forward to it. I think. Ask me again in three months.

Breaking Down

I may be breaking down.

I already live in the Boston area--on the south shore--but will be moving closer into the city this summer. My twin sister, with whom I've lived for six years, will be moving to Indiana in August. I'll be living alone in a studio apartment that costs $1050 a month to rent. I'll be keeping my car, which means I'll likely be regularly searching for parking on a car-filled street, and I'm not very skilled at parallel parking. I need to open an account at a new bank and arrange for Internet service. My cellphone contract is ending and I'll have to arrange for a new one. I don't own a television and while I'd love to go without one I still sometimes like to relax in front of a television show now and then. My new apartment is tiny and so I'm currently purging my life of stuff I've collected in the last few decades.

Oh; and I'm beginning law school in August.

All of this is pushing me past the brink of panic. I have some normal doubts about my ability to succeed in law school along with apprehension and uncertainty about my decision to move into the city. I'm also mourning the loss of my things, even though it's clear to me now that I've collected way too much stuff. I'm heartsick that my sister is leaving and I'm unsure about whether I'll be able to pay all my bills next year.

I'm trying to take things day by day but anxiety attacks are coming regularly now. Compared to this, the LSAT was a piece of cake.

Note: This blog was changed to include the correction "I'm heartsick." The original text included the phrase, "I'm very sad that my sister is leaving," which was corrected.