Breaking Down

I may be breaking down.

I already live in the Boston area--on the south shore--but will be moving closer into the city this summer. My twin sister, with whom I've lived for six years, will be moving to Indiana in August. I'll be living alone in a studio apartment that costs $1050 a month to rent. I'll be keeping my car, which means I'll likely be regularly searching for parking on a car-filled street, and I'm not very skilled at parallel parking. I need to open an account at a new bank and arrange for Internet service. My cellphone contract is ending and I'll have to arrange for a new one. I don't own a television and while I'd love to go without one I still sometimes like to relax in front of a television show now and then. My new apartment is tiny and so I'm currently purging my life of stuff I've collected in the last few decades.

Oh; and I'm beginning law school in August.

All of this is pushing me past the brink of panic. I have some normal doubts about my ability to succeed in law school along with apprehension and uncertainty about my decision to move into the city. I'm also mourning the loss of my things, even though it's clear to me now that I've collected way too much stuff. I'm heartsick that my sister is leaving and I'm unsure about whether I'll be able to pay all my bills next year.

I'm trying to take things day by day but anxiety attacks are coming regularly now. Compared to this, the LSAT was a piece of cake.

Note: This blog was changed to include the correction "I'm heartsick." The original text included the phrase, "I'm very sad that my sister is leaving," which was corrected.

[doo, dyoo] [pros-es; especially Brit. proh-ses]

Due: owing or observed as a moral or natural right
Process: a systematic series of actions directed to some end;
Process (Law):

• the summons, mandate, or writ by which a defendant or thing is brought before court for litigation.
• the whole course of the proceedings in an action at law.

Due Process.

Is this normal?

I'm dreaming about law school.

I'm not just dreaming about it; I'm having nightmares. Many of them. Every night. Some are typical: last night I dreamt I couldn't find my section of the first law class of the day. See, I'd forgotten to attend orientation and never even SAW my class schedule.

OK; typical.

But I also had a dream about moving to my new apartment. I had so many boxes of stuff that the tiny studio had no room for a desk. Clearly, then, I wouldn't be able to complete my schoolwork.

Somewhat typical. I guess.

Then I had a dream that I ate so much pizza the night before school (those damn nerves) that the clothes I'd laid out for the first day of class didn't fit the next morning. I pulled out my loosest clothes but then the boxes that were crowding me out in the second dream reappeared and I couldn't find a mirror. I think you can see where this is going.

Anyone else have that dream? Anyone? Anyone?

Preparing for law school

I'm sorry if you came here looking for the answer to "how do I prepare for law school?" I don't have it. Yet. (Please check back around November-ish. I'll do my best you help you guys out. Or look here)(Update: check out the books I read in the summer before law school.)
I just googled "preparing for law school" myself and didn't find a whole lot of advice. So here's what I'm planning to do:

1. Stop reading about how attending a tier 4 law school is going to ruin me as a lawyer. I'm still attending the school. I turned down two decent tier 1s because my tier 4 offered a full-tuition scholarship. Obsessing about this choice won't get me very far now. (Note: reading about my abysmal chances of obtaining the job I want after tier-4 law school HAS opened my eyes to the fact that I'm going to work very, very hard for the next three years. It seems that that is the best, and perhaps only, way to mitigate the seemingly miserable reactions I'll earn by listing the school on my resume.)
2. Read. I've resumed daily reading of the New York Times. I have The Jurist bookmarked on both my work and home computers. I'm reading A Civil Action and plan to move next to a survey book on American History. (I fear that my undergraduate art degree didn't provide me with a background sufficient for law school.) If I see the phrase"The Supreme Court" anywhere, in anything, in any context, I read as much of the surrounding text as I have time for. I'm reading law reviews that I often barely understand as practice for, well, reading things I barely understand.
3. Write. I'm tweeting and blogging and keeping a private journal. This is more writing than I've done since I worked as a freelance art critic three years ago and is intended to sharpen my writing skills and vocabulary.
4. Turn off the television. I just this morning read an article in The Times that quoted William James: “My experience is what I agree to attend to.” I don't want to remember this summer by the episodes of NCIS I hardly watched. It's better, I think, to prepare my mind for focusing on one difficult task than it is to use a t.v. for passing time. I pass enough time at work.

I don't know whether any of this can really prepare me for what I know will be an excruciatingly difficult first year and two rigorous years after that. I do know that busying myself with law school preparation keeps me from reading those nasty discussion posts about my tier 4 decision.



Footnote: After careful consideration I settled on this history book: Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States. I'll keep you informed.