Still shaking

(Please see my original post here.)

It was a close one today in Contracts.

My prof. decided to cold-call starting in the front row and working back. I sit in the third seat in the first row. Though I had fully prepared for class my throat started closing and my head buzzed as the person beside me went on about unilateral contracts and proposals and counteroffers and promises. All I could think was: ohgod... I went over all the stuff I'd practiced before class. Mutual assent requires... ohgoddon'tcallonme. The master of the offer is the... ohgodlettimerunout. Restatement 24: An offer is 1)the manifestation of the ohgodwhydidIevercometolawschool the process of contract formation begins... well, you get the picture. My mind went (almost) blank and my notes were no help. I literally could not read my writing; my eyesight got all blurry while my toes went numb.

I've spoken up in class before but it had always been in response to a question that I (thought) I knew the answer to or a question I had (my prof.: "The teacher's manual says we have to tell you that there's no such thing as a dumb question.") This was going to be a disasterous debate with my raptor* professor and as soon as I realized I might have to talk my body went into "FREEZE! No public speaking!" mode.

Instead of calling on me the professor began discussing the Uniform Commercial Code and I ended the class uneviscerated. I'm wondering now if that means I'm on call for the next class.

Back later; gotta brief some cases.



*I've been told more than once that my Contracts professor is actually a sweet guy and that by the end of the semster I'll love him and be grateful for how much he taught me. Here's hoping I make it to December.

Note: it's 2 1/2 weeks after I wrote this. I need you all to know that the professor I described as a raptor is actually more like this:





Seriously; he's like this:

How does it feel? (like a rolling stone)

[Please see my original post here.]

My subjective sense of what law school feels like, on the morning of the fourth day:

I'm being shoved from the rear and I can't pause for the stampede behind me. All that's left for me to do is raise my elbows and muscle my way to the edge of the crowd. The work--reading, case briefing, studying, thinking, preparing for cold-calls in class--is pressuring me from the back and if I stop for even a moment it threatens to overtake and pass me. In law school, I know, one cannot afford to fall behind.


So: my schedule from Wednesday, the third day of class, is below. Know that my contracts prof. is my scariest professor and the one for whom I most want to be prepared.

• 3:18 am: Wide awake and nearly panicking about all the work I have to do before class



• 3:20-6 am: Contracts prep



• Shower



• 6:20-8:20: Contracts prep



• 8:21: sew hem in pants



• 8:30: print contracts brief



• 8:35: leave for school



• 9:15: review Crim. Law readings and brief



• 10:00-10:50: Criminal Law



• 10:50-11:00 Go over Criminal Law notes and create a sweat sheet*



• 12:00-12:50: Contracts



• 12:51-1:00: Begin Contracts sweat sheet



• 1:-1:50: Torts



• 1:50-2:20: finish Contracts sweat sheet



• 2:20-3:45: Crim. Law reading and case brief



• 3:45-5:20: Property reading and 3 case briefs



• 5:20: print out case briefs



• 5:40: head for home



• 5:40-6:20: (on train) read ch. 30, Civil Procedure



• 6:20-6:45: eat dinner while continuing to read Civ. Pro. assignment



• 6:45-7:20: continue with Civ. Pro. reading



• 7:20-9:45: Contracts case brief



• 9:45-10:15: go over Contracts sweat sheet and define any terms that are confusing (Black's Legal Dictionary)



• 10:15-10:40: read ch. 5 for Legal Practice Skills



• 10:40 fall asleep with lights on and book open to chapter 5, page 3.

That's right; I worked straight through from 3:20 am to 10:40 pm and I still didn't get enough done. Also I don't feel prepared for Contracts and plan to do more prep work before class on Friday. I'm beginning to thrash and lose my bearings. Please remember that I'm writing this on the morning of my fourth day of school.

I prefer not to be trampled.



*sweat sheet: I take notes in class on the front side of the paper. After class the back side of each page is empty. This is where I create my sweat sheet. I go over the notes from class and pull out the salient points along with any terms I need to look up later. From the book "1000 Days to the Bar--But the Practice of Law Begins Now," by Dennis J. Tonsing: "These are the pages over which students toil and sweat. accordingly, the learning experts at Landmark College (Putney, Vermont) have aptly nicknamed these 'sweat pages.'"

Orientation, day 3. Or: Welcome to law school!

[Please see my original post here.]

The final day of orientation was...

Oh my god; I'm a 1L!

...the most interesting of all three days. The first panel included the dean of students, Laura Ferrari; Art Klossner, director of health services; and Wilma J. Busse, psychologist from the school's counseling center. From the presentation I learned that 40% of lawyers have some form of OCD. I learned that substance abuse is rampant among lawyers and law students. And Dean Ferrari assured us that our professional life starts NOW. Message: don't embarrass yourself. Don't alienate faculty or other students. Be aware that lawyers and judges walk through the law building all the time and understand that your networking opportunities began on Tuesday.

Holy cow...I'm supposed to be a lawyer...

Then some upperclassmen gave us a building tour and we broke off into small groups to talk about what law school's really like with a 2L. The meat and bones session included mostly information I'd read in law school prep books. BUT my group went through a round of introductions and it became clear that in law school I am nearly completely surrounded by history and political science majors. Did I mention that I studied art as an undergraduate? I haven't even read the U.S. Constitution.

Holy crap. I'm not ready for this.

Anyway, my professors have posted assignments for the first classes and I have lots of reading and briefing to do. The reading, the briefing, the class prep; those parts are all very exciting. I'm officially a 1L. I've entered a brave new world, and, for now, I think I like it.

(How long do you think it'll be before I want to eat those words?)

Orientation: day 2

The second day of orientation was less exciting than the first. The highlight was a mock class taught by a professor in the Academic Support Program. I asked a few questions in a class of around 80 students. It's not a parallel comparison between this class and, say, Civil Procedure, but I'm pleased to know that speaking up in a large lecture hall isn't all that scary.

The orientation sessions have no dress code (except for the business attire requirement for student directory photos that I mentioned previously) and so it was interesting to check out what other wunnelles were wearing.

I wore a skirt with a blouse and a nice sweater. Other students wore clothes that ranged from denim shorts and t-shirts to pencil skirts and heels. Conforming to a bothersome trend, the law building was teeming with flip-flops. I'm of a different generation than most of my fellow students, but even the flops with sequins on the straps or flowers on the thongs just don't seem like appropriate footwear for a professional school. The men had a better handle on this; those dressed in the business casual vein almost to a man wore appropriate (closed-toed) shoes. Women, though, wore dresses with matching flip-flops or skirts with matching flip-flops or slacks or blouses or sweaters with flip-flops. I'm far from a fashionista, but I think I know professional clothes when I see them. Aren't flip-flops beach wear? Aren't they a little chichi? Or am I just old?

Please see my original post here.
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Orientation--day 1

Day one of law school orientation is done. My business attire (yes, I wore a business suit) was appropriate and almost made me feel like a real law student. I wore striped rainbow socks under my loafers--the shoes were actually pretty comfortable--and the socks were a hit with other 1Ls. Also, every time I crossed my legs I caught a glimpse of them and felt a tiny twinge of happy. They worked out nicely, the socks did.

Now you're asking, "so what was the first day like?" (Come on; I KNOW you're wondering.)

The day started with a scholarship recipient luncheon. While waiting for the luncheon to start I met three really interesting first-years, with whom I spent most of the day. (Thanks, Andrew, A.J., and Leon, for helping me feel at ease on a crazy day.)

The luncheon was fine; it was mostly arranged as an opportunity to meet other wunnelles. And it happened with free food AND a party favor. I treasure the free jump drive most of all the free items I received throughout the day. The highlighters, pens, and candy that came later just didn't compare, though the candy was a tiny rainbow among the black and white of business-attired-law-students.

Then our group--Andrew, A.J., Leon, and I--waited for six o'clock to roll around. Note: people-watching at a law school is a incredibly pleasant. Contrary to what I've heard, law students have FUN. There was laughing and joking and chatting about summers. There was also a great deal of bustling and seriousness, business attire and business casual attire, and, incongruously, lots of flip-flops.

The school hosted a reception for all the first-years at which the interim dean gave an inspiring speech and Thomas Beauvais, the Student Bar Association's president, gave an encouraging speech. Beauvais reassured us that we were capable of studying law and it would be worth it in the end.

Phew.

Next was a meet-and-greet with the other students in our sections. Lots of free wine led a few students to drink too much, but mostly we just mingled. Again, I met some really great people who came from all across the country and Canada.

Then we explored the administrative offices and walked among tables populated by all of the law school student groups. I signed up for a number of email lists and became really excited about the opportunities offered to Suffolk's students.

It was a good day, and one that wasn't worth all the stress and anxiety I'd been suffering through for the past two weeks. It was easy and fun and exciting.

I'm totally starting law school, and that ROCKS.

Please see my original post here.
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You don't need a car in Boston

At least that's what they tell me. I am about to find out if it's true.

My car, a Mercury Sable (American car. 'Nuff said.) failed the Massachusetts state inspection. See inspection information here. The mechanic said something about the windshield wipers and the fantastic chunk of rust over the back tire. It looks like this:




Yes, that is a LEAF stuck in the hole.

The mechanic was very sweet. He asked me why I wanted an inspection in August when it wasn't due until October (I didn't). "We won't do an inspection then but I have to tell you that it failed."

My stomach dropped. Every year since I've moved to the state I've worried that my car would fail. This year, though, Massachusetts instituted new regulations, and a rust hole violates the safety standards. I had the option of getting body work done on the rust for around $400-$500 (I asked about just cutting off the rust, but that's apparently a WORSE violation because of the sharp edges). My 16-year-old car is only worth $500. At least it was, until it failed the inspection. I'm not inclined to have $500 worth of work done on it. Plus, my used-car-principles require me not to have body work completed on a 16-year-old, $500 car.

So I'm getting rid of it.

It's been a great car for me, carrying me around in Detroit, Colorado, and Massachusetts for eight years. But nothing lasts forever and that's especially true for American cars. (I'm not unpatriotic and I'm loyal to the Motor City, but if I'm going to spend thousands of dollars on an automobile I want it to be reliable and to stand up to the driving test. Also the state inspection test.)

I'm living and going to school in Boston, home of the oldest subway system in the nation. I live a block from the green line, which takes me straight into the center of Boston and to school. Which takes me to the blue line, which arrives at the airport. Which takes me to the red line, which runs from the South Shore (Braintree, Quincy, UMass Boston) through Cambridge and into Alewife. Which takes me to the orange line, which runs through Chinatown. I won't even delve into the fantastic bus system.

So I'm getting rid of the Sable. This relieves me of the stress of city parking, the expense of car insurance, and the worry that any minute my automobile is going to break down and require another expensive repair. As I've previously posted, I'm getting rid of stuff and this item is the most expensive thing to go. (It turns out that in the previous post I also wrote about the stress of owning a car in the city. Problem solved.) I'm about to test the adage that 'you don't need a car in the city.'

I'll keep you updated.


Please see my original post here: http://lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/you-dont-need-a-car-in-boston/

A self-selecting group or a foregone conclusion?

Two notable stories came through my blog reader today. The first, reported by Legal Blog Watch, discusses a story about drug use among various types of professions. It's perhaps not surprising that the creative professions report an affinity for marijuana. Richard Florida writes in The Atlantic,

"Occupations sort relatively neatly along the lines of marijuana versus cocaine use. The short of it is that marijuana use is more positively associated with science (.35), education (.38), artistic professions (.35), and engineering and architecture (.29)"

But that's not all. Florida goes on to say

"[...]cocaine use is positively associated with lawyers (.41) and, to a lesser extent, with business and finance occupations (.27), computer jobs (.25), and management fields (.26)."

I must admit that I am a (so far) lifelong drug abstainer. But my superficial research (just here and here ) on the interwebz reveals the following:

The short-term effects of cocaine are:

Immediate euphoria, a feeling of invincibility, intellectual and physical power and numbness to pain and exhaustion. The intense high lasts 10-15 minutes, and remaining effects dissapear [sic] within an hour. The user may repeat doses to maintain high.

It's not surprising that the intellectually rigorous legal profession invites use of a substance that produces such feelings of prowess. The long hours of lawyers, who, I'm told, regularly work 70-hour weeks, also may lead to use of a drug that provides numbness to pain and exhaustion.

Cannabis is less intense. The same website reports:

[...]it will produce a light euphoria, relaxation, a feeling of peace, feeling of hilarity, a slight drowsiness, a sense of well being.

Wikipedia notes:

"Some effects [of marijuana] may include an altered state of consciousness, euphoria, feelings of well-being, relaxation or stress reduction, increased appreciation of humor, music or art, joviality...""

It's no surprise that lawyers don't go for the drowsiness and relaxation. I've been informed that the profession is rife with sometimes cut-throat competition and a drive to produce ever more billable hours. No breathing room there.

In somewhat related news, disbarred attorney David Moskal was found dead in his home at age 54, reports Legal Blog Watch, discussing a post on MinnLawyer Blog. While no information on the cause of his death was revealed, his obituary urged that memorial contributions be sent to two suicide prevention organizations.

It's long been noted that law has one of the highest percentages of mental illness of any profession. Lawyer and social worker Terry Harrell writes

In an early 1990s Johns Hopkins University study comparing rates of depression among twenty-eight occupations it was found that lawyers had the highest rates of depression and that lawyers were 3.6 times above the average rate of depression for the occupations compared. A study of 801 lawyers in the state of Washington found that 19% of the lawyers surveyed suffered from depression. A survey of 2,570 lawyers in North Carolina revealed that 25% reported clinical symptoms of depression such as loss of appetite, lethargy, suicidal thoughts, or insomnia at least three times a month during the past year.

The question here is whether lawyers bring a higher susceptibility of mental illness (depression and addiction being just two) with them to the profession or if the profession makes lawyers more susceptible to mental illness.

Law school AND the legal profession are fierce, rigorous, and at times exhausting. At least that's what my source tells me. In addition, attorneys (and, presumably, law students) seem to be riddled with self-doubt. At least that's what my source tells me. Doesn't a person who voluntarily enters the world of law have to be just a little unstable? It appears not. It seems that the move toward emotional distress may, for many, begin in the first year of law school.

Andrew J. McClurg, law professor and author, writes of what he learned while authoring his book, "1L of a Ride." He notes that incoming 1Ls show emotional distress levels that are similar to the general population but the stress of law school is responsible for bumping up the percentage of depressed students to three to five times that of the general population.

"To the extent law school is responsible for causing emotional distress in law students, one doesn’t have to look far for plausible explanations: the make-it-or-break-it single-exam format, the heavy emphasis on grades and corresponding worries about failure, the competitive environment, high student-teacher ratios, intimidating instructional methods, brutal workloads, burdensome debt-loads, lack of performance feedback, the adversarial nature of the legal system in which law students are constantly immersed, the emphasis on objective analytical thinking over personal values and emotions, strains on personal relationships, doubts about whether law school is the right career path, and, of course, for 1Ls, general fear and uncertainty about what to expect."

All of this should worry those who are entering law school. Which is great, because we didn't already have enough anxiety.

Please see my original post here: http://lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com/2009/08/15/a-self-selecting-group/

Holy CRAP! Those law books are EXPENSIVE!

These are the required law books for my first semester. They cost me $875. The books stacked on top are my personal books about preparing for law school. All told, the grouping of books cost me around $1000.

I'm not complaining; I knew this would be an expensive venture. Ok, I am complaining, but only squeakily. I DID know this would be an expensive pursuit. I just didn't know how quickly the costs would add up.

I had to buy reams of new clothes. Blouses, skirts, slacks, and even--gulp--a business suit now hang in my closet. I also bought a half-dozen shoes, including a pair of black loafers.

I bought a brand new backpack, which is en route as I write. All the law school forums included multiple endorsements for Tom Bihn's Brain Bag. It seems to be the Snoopy's doghouse of backpacks. $200 later my olive green bag is on its way.

In addition I have all the extra costs of school to tack on. A combination lock for my locker; and ethernet cable; a laptop cable; highlighters and pens and paper and binders and folders and god knows what else are requiring me to open my wallet. My bank account is dwindling but the folks at Discover and Visa headquarters are thrilled that I've returned to school.

And all this so I can graduate and work 70-hour weeks, wearing business attire, carrying a briefcase, in a job market that's dwindling, hard-hit by the recession.

I wonder every day whether this was the right move. Only time will tell.

Please see my original post here: http://lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com/2009/08/13/holy-crap-those-law-books-are-expensive/

just one kind of folks. Folks.

Transcript from Access Group's (finished) scholarship video competition advertisement:

AT SOME POINT IN YOUR LIFE YOU DECIDED TO BECOME A LAWYER.

Something happened in one YEAR/DAY/SPLIT SECOND

That inspired you

To make

a CASE

Partner

A living

Your parents proud

A difference

You remember that time when you weren’t worried about

Getting a good internship

Having time to brush your teeth

Passing the bar

Finding a student loan

When hearing Atticus Finch in the courtroom gave you goose bumps

And so did IMAGINING YOURSELF IN HIS PLACE.

When you saw an oil-covered bird on the 11:00 news and it made you go %$#^&*

Or maybe it was in Mrs. Dombrowski’s 4^th grade class

When you were wrongly accused of kidnapping the class

Ferret.

Every Law Student has an inspiration.

I've finished working for the summer and am only waiting for 1L to begin. One piece of my life (employment) has ended and the next (law school) has yet to begin, so I'm paused in a limbo between the thing that was keeping me safe (employment) and the unknowns of law school and legal practice. So this silly ad for a scholarship competition--a competition that I missed--filled up my throat and had me nearly in tears. YES! Those oil-covered birds? They made me go %$#^&*. And Atticus Finch still gives me goosebumps, though I NEVER would imagine myself in his place. And, yes, I am one of those who wants to make 'a difference.'

Many friends and coworkers have suggested that I am, upon earning my J.D., to become a crook; that I will 'sell out'; that I'll give up on public interest work in order to MAKE SOME $$ (doing work we agree I would hate); that I'll be a shark and an ambulance chaser and a snake in the grass.

I don't blame my peers for suggesting these scenarios. The popular image of lawyers has shifted from Atticus Finch to Denny Crane and even the courtroom demeanor of Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men."



I may be naive. I'm like a child idolizing a profession I know little about. But I imagine myself more as the Tom Cruise type (minus his church of scientology obsessions) than Robert Duvall, even if I don't picture myself as a trial lawyer (more on that in a later post). Every lawyer finds her own niche, and mine's out there somewhere. My public-interest, non-profit job will be there in three years, no matter how much student debt I have. I'm here to make a difference, and maybe to grow up a little in the process.

So it took an eight-year-old child to bring 'em to their senses.... That proves something - that a gang of wild animals can be stopped, simply because they're still human. Hmp, maybe we need a police force of children. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 16, spoken by the character Atticus

Please see my original post here: http://lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com/2009/08/12/just-one-kind-of-folks-folks/

Don't forget to update your bookmarks. My blog is moving! lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com

Deathly Hallows

I read what will likely be my last for-pleasure book before law school this weekend. It was "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows." I read it in the span of two days.

I discovered Harry Potter in early 2007 in the basement of the library where I worked. I happened upon the J.K. Rowling (pronounced ROLL-ing) section, an event that seems weighty in a college library that uses the Library of Congress call number system. (I've worked in the MIT science library for almost four years and the system still makes little sense to me. Cutters and decimals confuse me and mnemonics fail. One must happen upon books or intentionally seek them out because pointedly browsing in the LC call# muddle doesn't happen.)

I say I discovered Harry Potter because I started reading "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" in a basement years after the craze had hit the world's young-adults. I started reading and kept reading and took the book home and stayed up most of the night with it. I was shocked, astounded, and I understood that that Harry Potter is celebrated because the books are stunningly good. It's the best fiction I've ever read.

In that period of early 2007, when my life was crashing around me, I read the rest of the series straight through, pausing only for a few days to wait for the release of "Deathly Hallows" in July, 2007. I purchased my reserved copy the day of the release and read the 759-page book straight through, beginning at 1 pm and finishing at 3:38 am. After two hours of sleep I opened the book to page one and began again.

The Harry Potter books aren't about magic, even though they are. Rowling used the pretense of wizardry to write about love and friendship and family and mystery and growing up and self-discovery. The books captured my heart and my imagination and it was then that I settled on law school. The books aren't responsible for my decision but they are connected. Harry Potter served as a bridge between the facts of what existed in my life at the time and the fiction of the doors that were there to be opened.

But I'm not trying to moralize here. I'm trying to pass on this one overriding message: Read Harry Potter. Go to your library (trust me, libraries need all the business they can get) and borrow "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." (In your public library it is probably shelved in the young adult fiction section under "R.") Open it up and read late into the night like the rest of us have. If you take nothing else from me take this: do not live your life without reading these books.

Please see my original post here: http://lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com/2009/08/10/deathly-hallows/
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Gimme some sugar

I'm pretty stressed.

Some signs are typical: my hair is falling out; I'm having nightmares and difficulty sleeping; I end most days with painful tension headaches.

The other sign seems to be particular to me. When I'm anxious I crave sugar.

I'm not talking about rich cakes and cookies here, though those would probably do. When I'm stressed I want pure sweetness. I've been gorging on Smarties, Gobstoppers, Nerds, and hard peppermint candies. For variety I snack on graham crackers, apple juice, apples, and animal crackers, but I quickly return to my sugar stash for dessert.

None of this is helping my anxiety. The sugar makes me jumpy and bloated. When I'm jumpy I feel more nervous; when I'm bloated my law school clothes don't fit right. When I'm jumpy and bloated and anxious I'm close to miserable.

I don't know why I rely on sugar when stress is knocking me down. If anyone has thoughts I'd love to hear them. Meanwhile I'm headed to CVS. I hear the Halloween candy is finally on the shelves and I need a few bags.

Please see my original post here: http://lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com/2009/08/06/gimme-some-sugar/
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Preparing for Law School II

[Check out this post for updated info on how I prepared for law school.]

It's come to my attention (thanks, Google Analytics) that the keywords that most often bring people here are "preparing for law school." My previous post on the topic was entirely unhelpful. Trust me; I wish I had the answer. But since I want to serve my readers I thought I'd offer a short post on what I've done to prepare myself.

Most helpful was Andrew J. McClurg's book, 1L of a Ride. See my previous post. Some reassurance came with knowing a little bit about what to expect this fall. And I think I now have a sense of how hard it's going to be. (Of course I don't.)

I've also been reading law blogs (called blawgs). I recommend Bloglines for keeping up with blogs. Once you create an account you can read the highlights of each blog you follow through the main page. Check out Blawg Review and Above the Law to get started.

Other than that, I've been trying to do what most people recommend: take it easy and enjoy the last bit of simple life I'll have until I retire. I'm running and painting and messing around on Facebook. You know, doing all those things I won't have time to do once school starts.

Seriously, though; come back in November so I can give you a REAL answer. Meanwhile, take a look at "Fearfully Optimistic" and start writing.

Please see my original post here: http://lauramcwilliams.wordpress.com/2009/08/05/preparing-for-law-school-ii/
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Loafing in Beantown

I've been invited to a scholarship recipients' luncheon at Suffolk. Following the luncheon I'm to have my photograph taken for the student directory. Business attire required.

My plan is to wear a white blouse and black pants. That's business attire, right? I hope so, because that's what I'm wearing. Which brings multiple equations to the fore.

1. White blouse + food (luncheon) = fiasco
2. Standing up while wearing a stained white blouse = mortification
3. How did I end up deciding to begin a career that requires BUSINESS ATTIRE? I, of baggy jeans and sneakers, = scarcely prepared for this.
4. Shoes. My past shoe choices have always been driven by comfort. For this event I will be wearing black loafer-type shoes, which are not entirely foot-merciful. How did I end up deciding on a career that includes wearing LOAFERS? Feet = never cushioned again.
   
5. Hot. It's August in Boston and therefore hot and humid. White blouse + [camisole] + pants + socks + loafers +subway + Boston + August + subway = disaster.
   

Even after all this I've got my fingers crossed that my attire will indeed be business (enough) and I will neither be over- nor under-dressed.

Loafers be damned. Seriously; damn those loafers.

Update, Agust 6, 2009. My sources tell me that my white blouse/black pants combination is not, in fact, business attire. I need to buy a suit. This thing just keeps getting worse.

States and states

No one's more surprised than I am. I survived the weekend.

My twin sister left Boston last week. The grief I felt seemed unbearable; I didn't believe I could survive the sadness. My twin sister was gone and that loss felt permanent. I was suddenly alone.

Then my aunt called to make sure I was ok and my mom sent flowers. Jenna sent periodic text messages. I have a small family, but the small size just increases the percentage of people in it who care. [x=100/(5-ish/3)]. (Or, more probably, somewhere around 100%.)

But next the fear set in. This family is now focused in the midwest, and I'm living all the way in the fingers of the country. Massachusetts is far away from everything I know--very far from southern Michigan. It's...backward. Jenna is the brave one and I should have been the twin to stay home. My older sister is having her first baby and I wanted to be there for that. My birthday's not far away and then comes Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I should be living in that soft, bright mitten. Instead I'm hanging from my ankles (Harry Potter spoiler alert) in a room by myself. LIBERACORPUS.

However.

Today is Monday and I'm calm. The people who know me know this isn't my normal state. Panic: probably; tears: of course; anxiety: most definitely. But not calm. (Though stress is making my hair fall out at an alarming rate. More on that in a later post.)

Law school starts in two weeks and I have plenty to do before August 18. There are backpacks to try on and loads of textbooks to buy. And even in Beantown there are flowers to remind me that I'm not alone.